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Coaching youth sports: A thread for Dawgnation parents.
This is a thread for Dawgnation parents of young kids.
1. Dawgnation members who have coached youth sports......please chime in with advice on both failures and successes.
2. Dawgnation parents with young kids or future kids please ask questions.
Please respect others opinions. This is an all sports thread. I know there are coaches on here from a number of different sports.
And this is for both girls and boys athletes.
I've not only coached HS football. I also coached travel/select baseball for over 15 years and am currently coaching HS softball. I've coached both boys and girls and I've coached teams with my kids on the team.....and teams that didn't have my kids on it.
I've made far more mistakes coaching youth sports than HS sports....and my most embarrassing and regretful moments in life are probably from coaching youth sports.
And unfortunately...I've had kids I coached leave the field crying because of me. And it happened a couple of times with both my son and daughter.
So I've learned as much from my mistakes as I have from successes.
Following is just a few of the things I've learned from my years of coaching youth sports.
Hopefully other coaches will add some advice as well.
1. Start kids early - start them early. Get kids involved at an early age.
2. "Force" them early on - this sounds much worse than intended. Kids don't really know if they like something unless they try it. Your 5 year old will almost certainly never ask you to play soccer....sign them up. And give it time. You will have to "force" them to attend an 8am, Saturday morning, soccer or t-ball game at the Y.
3. Give it time and help nurture it by throwing the baseball, kicking the soccer ball, hitting golf balls or helping with any sport they are involved in. If you want a kid to love something....play with them. Get off the phone or get off the couch. And mow the lawn later.... play with your kids.
4. Give it time....but be observant. No one knows your kid as much as you do. Don't give a particular sport one season....give it a chance to take. However, you'll eventually know what your son's/daughter's passion is....or could be. It may be soccer...or it may be dance. It may be baseball....or it may be music. It may be football.. or it may be art. Regardless.. love them and support their passion.
5. PLAY MULTIPLE SPORTS - if your child does love sports....get them involved in multiple sports for as long as possible. I know countless families that decided to go all volleyball at age 10. Daughter's were great athletes. Some got burned out.....some stopped growing at 5'6" - not exactly great for a volleyball player. Not picking on volleyball. It happens in all sports. Select sports are fine....been involved in them for years. But choose select coaches that support your kids playing multiple sports. College coaches are always asking my son what other sports he plays. It helps develop a well rounded athlete and helps prevent burn out.
6. Accept mistakes - kids have to be comfortable making mistakes and they have to develop a short memory. Don't be "Coach Obvious " ....why yell at a kid for letting a ball go between his legs? Guess what...they already know they made a mistake. If you want your son/daughter to develop into a clutch player....they can't be afraid to make a mistake. My dad would get on me for not hustling or playing hard.....but never for an error, strike out or other mistake. He made mistakes and knew I would as well.
7. You'll hear this a lot.... but most of you won't follow it. 24 hour rule. When you get in the car...leave the game alone. If your child wants to talk about it...let them. But leave your advice until tomorrow. They don't want to hear it. Many of you will fail at this....and that will be one of the biggest reason your child quits sports. I'm not suggesting that you not give them advice...the best athletes usually have involved parents. Just wait a day for the advice.
8. I'll say it one more time.....play with your child outside. Time goes by fast. Get off your phone and get them off video games.
I have a beautiful yard. I take pride in it. But for years I had two bare spots in my front yard. Because I played catch with my son almost every day between the ages of 5-8. And played catch with my daughter most days as well. That is one thing I did right. It's fun, you get to spend time talking to your child....and I credit that as much as anything for both of my kids excelling in sports.
Come on coaches....please contribute. I love learning from other coaches.
And parents please ask questions.
Comments
Good stuff sir, especially number 7.
That means a lot coming from another "bucket dad".
You've been around your fair share of softball.
For those that don't know.....a "bucket dad" seems to be more common in softball...but also occurs in baseball. These are dads of pitchers. Sitting on buckets and catching your child while they are practicing or getting a pitching lesson.
coached middle school and HS wrestling, coached 5-6 year wrestling for one season (and that was enough)
my son has competed in travel soccer, wrestling, and currently competes in BJJ. will do other sports eventually.
I think I agree with everything you have said, especially #8. I spend as much time with my son as I can. I have another kid on the way and will do the same. Never know when my time on Earth will end. I can put my phone up to play a game of chess, listen to his new favorite song, throw the ball, or almost anything else.
One thing I will add is I think expectations are good for kids but that most people focus on the wrong aspect. The expectation I have for my son is that he does his best. Athletics, academics, being a good person, everything. We do our best. I am more proud of a B+ he worked hard for than an A that he coasted through, a match he fought his butt off but lost than a match vs overmatched opponent he dominated. Do your best and more often than not you will have good results. Focus on your best, especially on things that are very easy, so that when you reach a level it is not easy you are prepared to handle that. Maybe that is math and maybe it next level athletics. Walk away proud of your effort, that goes for preparation (practice or studying) and the event itself (a match or a test)
I also think that helps with doing things for enjoyment and not just to be successful at them. If the expectation is WIN then it removes joy from things that are just fun but you are not great at. Maybe it is playing the guitar or woodworking. If you enjoy it then do it, and do your best, even if you are not good at it. I find that you will have more happiness in your life with that approach.
Couldn't agree more
@texdawg I would agree with all of your points; well said. My limited input would be as follows, in no particular order of importance:
1) Parents, please don't live vicariously through your kid. Your dreams and experiences belong to you, and theirs belong to them. Support, encourage, teach...do all these things, but let them find their own skill level, passion and desires.
2) Follow the 24 hour rule with coaches as well. Confronting a coach directly after the game as to why your child didn't get more playing time or play a certain position will only result in a bad situation for all. Every youth coach I've known is more than willing to discuss these things, but only in a calm and non-confrontational fashion. Also, don't forget that it is the coach's job to put your son/daughter in a position that most benefits them and the team; not everyone can be a QB or RB!
3) Recognize that youth coaches are volunteers, most of whom not only do not get paid, but contribute their own funds and sacrifice their time and time with their families to help teach your child.
4) Please respect the coaches' and referees' decisions. Sure, they are going to make mistakes, but believe me, they are doing their best!
5) Support whatever organization your child is involved with. As a rule, roughly 10% of the parents do 90% of the work needed to be successful. I know volunteering for concessions or field work stinks after a long week of work, but an organization cannot be successful without the help of the parents!
1) Volunteer coaching of young men and women is a privilege and huge responsibility. Please do not get into it for personal gain or to ensure your child gets to play a "glory" position.
2) If you decide to coach youth sports, inspire, don't intimidate. A good coach can have a huge positive effect on a child's life; a bad coach can ruin a kid's passion for a sport. Remember, most coaches don't know their players home life; those hours practicing and playing games may be the best hours they experience each week!
3) Remember that EVERY player on a team can do something well...even if it is just running forward. A good coach will identify every player's skill set and put them in a position to be successful.
4) Total playing time is less relevant than quality playing time. A kid knows if they are contributing to the team's success. Playing them 20 plays at a position they constantly fail at is worse than 5 plays where they are successfully executing an assignment. See point 3 for clarity
5) You always have at least one set of eyes on you at any given point in time. Remember that you are an example, and know that how you act and react will be reflected in your team!
6) When practicing, always have a predetermined practice plan and remember that repetitions are important. Set up multiple teaching "stations" players rotate between so line time is minimized and repetitions are maximized.
7) I could go on, but won't. My final point is to let your players know that you truly care about them and have their best interests at heart. I know it's difficult in this day and age, so you have to be careful in your delivery, but I let all my teams know, from K-2 through High School, that I loved each and every player on those teams, and would do anything in my power to help them be their best. When a young man or woman knows that you support them, they'll give you their absolute best efforts every time they are on the field.
Besides my faith and family, coaching has been the most rewarding endeavor I've been involved with, by far. I've coached undefeated championship teams, along with teams that finished well below .500...and loved them all!
Remember, 99% of kids won't recall the scores of games they played in their youth, or whether or not they won or lost, but kids will remember their coaches and the influence they had on their lives, good or bad. Choose to be good, please.
No matter if you’re a coach or just a supportive parent, enjoy the time with your kids.... cause time flies !
Outstanding @Palm_City_Dawg . You have obviously been there. Great input.
A simple difference between coaching boys and coaching girls.
Typically boys need to play good to feel good.
Typically girls need to feel good to play good.
It took me awhile to learn the difference.
Very true. I’ve also found that boys sometimes need help settling down and not get too fired up while girls are the opposite.
Great stuff @texdawg and @Palm_City_Dawg
Especially at younger ages it has been my experience:
Girls are typically very structured. It is way easier to get them into a system. More difficult to get them to understand when to go outside of the system and take chances.
Boys are more difficult to get into a structure or system. However freelancing and taking chances is way easier.
Girls you always have to tell them what they did well and show where they can improve. Boys you almost have to the mistakes into their heads.
I'd really emphasize #6. In my experience, kids either never try or end up quitting sports because they are afraid of failure and ridicule. I think that's one of the best aspects of sports. That it teaches you how to fail without the dire consequences. And on the flip side of that coin you can build confidence and that's probably the most addicting thing for me- to watch a kid gain confidence.
I coached baseball for 23 years - T Ball to 15 year old. Some with my sons, and an equal amount after they aged out. It wasn't the 1-5 best on each team that gave you the most enjoyment, but the 8-12 out of at team of 12 when you got them to believe in themselves and their skill. That number 11 player in right field who backed up the overthrow at first and made the winning throw to win the game; or that number 12 player who got the bunt down to move the runner.
BASEBALL is Life - success is a .300 hitter. You will fail - it's how you deal with it. Totally agree with all the comments, especially the 24 hour rule, and the play of multiple sports as long as they can. The specialization of a travel team is not always great. Baseball , hoops, and football in the fall ... the biggest frustration was when they started playing golf in the spring and their line drive swings went to crap... a couple of these wound up playing golf for the Dawgs, so not all bad.
1. Instill the passion for playing the sport with your team... Talk about the life lessons they will take with them into adulthood... Especially during the failures.
2. Everyone know their role. Every player cannot be the star so let the role players know what they will be measured by and pump them up when accomplish the little things.
3. Full effort/Full Heart. Play every play with this in mind and the wins will follow.
Awesome comment. Completely agree.