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- 3/17/19 UPDATE -- We've updated the permissions for our "Football" and "Commit to the G" recruiting message boards. We aim to be the best free board out there and that has not changed. We do now ask that all of you good people register as a member of our forum in order to see the sugar that is falling from our skies, so to speak.
Comments
Potentially flirting with sexist generalization, but not without some merit directionaly.
I always appreciated ex-USWNT Head Coach Tony DiCicco's philosphy on coachiing women: "Coach them like men, but treat them like ladies".
God blessed me with daughters (although I really enjoyed trying for a son)...and fully admit that coaching girls is a bit different than boys.
Boy, I could write a book on this topic, at least in the realm of baseball. I've coached more than 20 seasons, rec ball, school ball, travel ball, all ages. Tex, you covered the basics well. I'll have to give some thought as to what else I can add here.
In the meantime, quick/funny story about the 24-hr rule, i.e. @Palm_City_Dawg's version re: parents complaining to coaches.
I once had a dad come talk to me through the dugout fence about 30 seconds after I had removed his talented son from a game because of attitude issues, and he said (loudly and angrily), "I'm gonna be talkin' to you in 24 hours!!!"
I chuckled and said (aloud but to myself), "That's not how the 24-hr rule works..."
Great topic! I shared some of the same experiences some of you have mentioned. I coached ages 5-15 and loved it.........some of my very best memories.
My son is now 22 and I have heard him many times talk about what a great childhood he enjoyed. Saturdays consisted of playing whatever sport was in season in the morning. After the game we would come home and load the truck for motocross racing in the evening at the tracks around north Georgia. We often wouldn't get home until after midnight. The best part was he and I spent all day Saturday together. This allowed a lot of time for life lessons. I wouldn't take a million dollars for those times.
I coached mostly the recreational leagues. In this league some parents seemed to consider sports as a place to drop their kid. The first year I coached I had parents forget to pick up their kid from practice or a game, so I learned to begin with the parents. In the local league the teams were re-selected every year, so each year I had a new team (no carryovers). So after team selection and before the first practice I had a parent meeting. During this meeting we discussed behavior expectations for the players and a commitment from the parents (I actually had a handout for each parent). These were simple things like punctuality, respect, and general behavior, but had nothing to do with performance. This seemed to set the tone and prevented a lot of misunderstandings. I also offered to help move the child to a different team if they did not like the expectations, but it never happened.
I would encourage parents to get involved. Especially at very young ages you do not have to be an expert.
I coached one year of rec basketball for 8 year olds, when I was 18. At the time, that was the minimum age GA allowed a coach to be. The local rec league was desperate for another coach that year, so the let me do it. My parents knew the guy coaching the 7th grade team at the local middle school (he had been my rec coach at one point too,) so I helped him out with the 7th grade team and he helped me get organized for my team.
League minimum was that each player must play at least 1 quarter. I had a parents meeting at the beginning of the first practice, and made it clear that, win or lose, every kid out there on my team was going to play at least two quarters. Did this for two reasons: 1) I figured it didn't make sense for the parents to spend all their time getting their kids to practice and games for them to ride the bench. 2) It's rec for 8 year olds. There 's no natty involved (though don't tell some of the parents that.)
I think we crammed the full range of coaching experiences into that one year, but the best moment of the whole season was when the kid... the one you can tell that this is his first time playing organized sports ever... scored his first basket in overtime of the playoff semi-final to tie up the game. He was so happy, and the rest of the team rallied around him to congratulate him. We went on to lose that game at the buzzer in double OT, but that moment (and the others like it) made the whole season worth it.
That experience gave me some perspective, and i think back on it as a parent with my young kids out there now. I get on them, but it's usually:
1) Are you paying attention and listening to your coach?
2) Are you trying and supporting your team when you're not on the field?
Great post, @texdawg!
RE:#2, I still have to "force" my nearly 13 year old to go hit the cages. She kicks and screams as I drag her to the tee but she's always glad afterward. It's as though she forgets that she enjoys it.
Coached almost all of both my kid's teams from ages 4 through Jr High (I have not coached HS). Just some of my thoughts.
These are excellent PGJ. Across the board.
One thing I would add to #5 is don't be a grumbler either. Sometimes the parent who constantly complains about the coach quietly in the bleachers is the bad apple who ruins the barrel.
As the coach, you may never even know it.
Thanks. I miss coaching. I never had a problem with a kid...it was always the over-competitive parents. I think my #1 piece of advice I would give to parents is to just chill. At the first practice I always called all the parents off to the side and had a little heart-to-heart about sportsmanship and expectations. It is also equally important for coaches to keep their cool. I've seen a LOT of coaches loose their s#it in the middle of a game. Generally, those teams that had a hot-head coach also had hot-head parents.
Probably my favorite coaching memory was a U12 girls soccer team. We were a mid level team throughout the season, but did well enough to make the playoffs. Amazingly we made it to the championship game against a juggernaught team that had been destroying teams by an average of 10 points. I knew we had to strengthen the defense and hope to go into a overtime PK situation. Amazingly, that's what happened. 0-0 after regulation. We went to PKs and ended up losing by one point. After the other team scored th game winning goal, I just nodded to the girls and said "go get Maddie (our goalie who played her heart out and was visibly upset that we lost). the entire team ran down the field and literally picked her up on their shoulders and carried her off the field in celebration. You would have thought we won. The other team looked defeated and upset. It was a Rocky I scenario. We lost, but the girls didn't care because it was so fun. I still have the celebration on video.
Great story.
Love that stuff, @pgjackson - I 100% agree that the worst thing about coaching kids is almost always the parents.
As for parent coaches, I know there are some notable examples where a coach's son goes on to have a great college/pro career but for the vast majority of parent coaches, the reality is that their kid will not be the best on the team and in many (not all) cases, there is likely a better coach who could get even more out of your kid as an athlete. Even if your kid is the best athlete, parents and players will accuse the parent of favoritism anyway (revert to Rule 1 "Parents are the worst").
Both my daughters played at a high level in their respective sports and I'd be lying if I didn't get caught up in the proud parent high as they both started getting recruited (one a swimmer, one a soccer player); and we were really surprised (OK - pis$ed) when they each decided well down their recruitment paths that they didn't want to pursue their sports in college...but with time and perspective, none of us would have traded those moments - the highs and lows, victories and tears - for anything .
Our youngest is off to college this Fall and I'd already give anything for one more 3-hour car ride with one of my daughters to either a swim meet or soccer tournament that became our automatic weekend routine for so many years. In hindsight - it's those times in the car that we'll miss the most vs anything that happened in the water or on the field.
My point being that none of these opportunities would have existed had I decided to continue coach them beyond elementary school. We're eternally grateful for all of the coaches who had a role in shaping our daughters as athletes and as young women on and off the field.
Some very good points.
Coaching your own child.....especially in higher levels is very difficult.
It is very difficult on the relationship.
Obviously there are those parent coaches that play favoritism.....but I found the opposite to be true more times than not......the parent coach that goes out of their way not to play favoritism.
God bless all the parents that are qualified to coach and do a great job at it. There simply wouldn't be enough coaches if not for them.
I agree with you point about it being harder to be the coach's kid because they're gonna be harder on them to prove their NOT playing favorites. Definitely see a lot of that. I'd argue that might actually hurt the team in the bigger picture if the athlete really is one of the better players. (ie - a coach leaving their kid on the bench in the final minutes of a close game so parents don't accuse of them of favoritism), because if they're truly elite/clutch a coach who's not their parent is more likely to play them more or in key sports.
Again - there are plenty of examples where it works out fine (Joe Burrow comes to mind). I'm also thankful to any one who volunteers their time to coach kids - especially my own.
I always paid special attention to not show favoritism to my kids. Both my kids were good athletes and typically one of the best players on the team, but I made sure they took their fair share of "riding the pine". A coach also has to be cognizant of not riding their kid harder than the other players. That's a good way of pushing your kid out of sports.